i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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