Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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