Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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