I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
