I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
