I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
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