As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
