just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
