Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
