The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
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