I looked at my own cervix.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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