Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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