you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
this boner is exhausting
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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