were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I need moral support for this bender
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
