tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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