and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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