I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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