Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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