I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
