i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
