Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
NoShamevember. You game?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
