i jhust puked up my retainher.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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