I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
