Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
