Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
