Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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