You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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