You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
