If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
