She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
