First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
