so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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