I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
