apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
