I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
