you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
