im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
