i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
