I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Randomize
