I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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