Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
