My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
