kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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