Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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