I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I could make wine with my vomit
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
