how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
