My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
