I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i just wanna soil my oats bro
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
