nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
two words: eviction party
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
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