Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
