I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
