So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
