Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
