I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
