my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
